Make life better, now!

Good luck, bad luck, who knows?!

Do you remember that story about the Chinese farmer?

He loses a horse and the means to till his fields, then the horse returns bringing several additional horses with him. The farmer's son breaks a leg while trying to tame the new horses and then escapes conscription as he is unfit to go to war... The farmers friends observe each event, greeting it with "Ah, good luck!" or "Oooh, bad luck" to which the farmer, philosophically replies "Who knows?".

The tale can be interpreted as highlighting the folly of interpreting any event as good or bad, lucky or not. The message is "reality is what is" our thoughts about it are less important...

While I certainly can see much positive in this message and believe that our reaction to events actually creates the reality which we experience... yes, read that again... we create the reality which we experience...  personally I'm not particularly inclined to live my life on an emotional flatline.

I don't know about you but I want the "Ups" in my life, I want to celebrate, to sing, to rejoice, and I guess that also means there will be a few "Downs" along the way. Come to think of it, I also value the difficult moments even of loss and great vulnerability - I think there's a lot more to learn about how we handle these events in life.

I remember Chris Barrow discussing the "hills, valleys and missiles" that accompany life. Even being a Coach doesn't mean that we go through life with rose tinted glasses.

There are valleys and missiles to accompany the many hilltops on life's journey, well, my journey at least.

However I also see the power of interpretation. The way we perceive events colours our responses. By changing our actions we than change the results - all based upon our interpretation of the reality we encountered...

So today, will you encounter bad luck, good luck - or create your own?!

Dealing with Change

Training for Universities - my new business persona - delivers many workshops including "Dealing with Change". I had some interesting delegates attend this workshop recently and we soon figured out that several delegates experienced change as stressful as it was perceived as beyond their control. We went on to have a fascinating discussion about what we control, what we don't control and what we influence.

I am swayed by the writings of Viktor Frankl. I guess I believe that we can control our will, our values, our choices and, while we are free, our actions. There is a slightly longer list of things over which we have no control and a very surprisingly long list of things we can influence.

Believe it or not we cannot control other people but we can influence them. We may not control the weather but at some level we can influence it - I have to believe that I can make a difference otherwise global warming and climate change are inevitable and there is no value in my taking the train over driving, in recycling my waste over pouring it into landfill or incinerators... my influence, however small, must have some incremental value.

We cannot control our thoughts - or at least, I can't control mine. However I can control which ones I choose to dwell on. From that random stream of consciousness passing through the cinema of my mind, I can select where to focus and when to move on. This certainly gives me a feeling of control.

One delegate was firmly of the belief that control, at any level, was a misguided mindset, adopted to comfort us and protect us from the harsh reality that we are but pawns in a deterministic world. Free will is simply an illusion.

I think Richard Dawkins is possibly of a similar mindset. I haven't read his latest writings as I became disillusioned with his work many moons ago but I think he sees humankind as being gene-machines, programmed to execute their genetic code.

I don't agree with Richard Dawkins and I didn't agree with my client - not quite sure why he came to the "Dealing with Change" workshop with that mindset but guess he was willing to explore other possibilities.

The learning point for the group here was "feeling like"... Practically, whether that delegate is right or not, it still feels like I have a choice. And as long as it feels as if I can choose and then I will choose to change my actions knowing that this will change the results that I get. And I will continue to exercise that choice.

The important bit is to exercise choice where I have control, to exercise choice when I have influence. It is a futile use of my energies to attempt to exercise control where I have none!

One of the major learning points from "Dealing with Change" is to understand this difference.

In the words of the Serenity prayer...

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Talk yourself out of a customer

I went shopping yesterday to buy a scanner, or a printer or maybe both! Anyway, I was open  to persuasion, willing but not desperate to buy as nothing had broken and I have a perfectly good printer, I just wanted a little more.

As I browsed the shelves I saw a bargain! Not only was it "what I wanted" but it was more than I wanted and still a good price!

I was on my way to get a trolly - the box was too big to tuck under my arm - when I saw the next model up. Did I want this? What did this give me as extra? Was it worth the higher price tag?

It was while I pondered such issues, probably looking suitably vague and distracted in the middle of the aisle, that the Sales Manager arrived.

Perfect timing! "Could you please tell me the difference between..." and he could, and he did. He took time to ask what I wanted and why - was my old printer broken "No", did I need colour printing "Yes" and copying "Yes", and scanning "Yes" and what about wifi...? My eyes must have sparkled. And with that he said, with a slight conspiratorial air, "Just come round the corner and look at this.". All singing, all dancing, there sat the all-in-one wireless printer of my dreams.

Now this is where it got interesting. This beauty was twice the price - but there was a special offer that halved the cost. Was I interested? Couldn't he see my eyes out on stalks?! My hand was already on the way to find my credit card when he - the Sales Manager - told me what the deal was. Trade in your old printer - any printer, no matter how old or broken...

But you see my old printer wasn't broken and it certainly wasn't in the boot of my car.

What was a girl to do?

The machine I'd first been happy to put in my trolly now looked so inadequate compared  to this - but I couldn't put this in my trolly until I had gone home to look for a dead printer...

Sad to say I left the store empty handed - not yet returned...

As I reflect on the whole experience it seems the management has something to learn about making it easy to buy. They have a great product at a great price but you can't put it in your trolly and take it home. Do you think I should tell him?

Do you get what you expect?

With my Training for Scientists hat on today I travelled into London for a meeting. Let the train take the strain, I thought and use the opportunity to get a couple of hours work done too...

Sounded like a good plan. But just in case...

I hate being late and it is important for me to arrive in good time for a workshop so I decided to get a train which left 1 hour earlier than I really needed. When engineering works delayed the train I found myself arriving for my meeting, just in time.

Not late, not early, not stressed.

Is this an example of good planning and time management or of attracting exactly what I expected?

It is impossible to know really, possibly both.

Is it just another example of the wisdom of hoping for the best while planning for the worst or basing future actions on past experience? Perhaps it's an example of successful contingency planning in action and "plan B" turned out pretty well!

Now, given that "plan B" for my life plan is to have 2 million-worth of property with 1 million-worth of equity... things feel pretty good right now! So what about you? What are you planning for?

How did you survive Blue Monday?

Apparently Monday 21st January was predicted to be a tough day.

Over the years, research has shown that the combination of a Monday morning with the typical Britsh weather at this time of year makes this a particularly unappealing time to get up and go to work. Combine this with the perceived monotony, drudge and struggle of "the day job" after the long holiday and the arrival of the January credit card bills detailing our frequently excessive spending over the Christmas period and - there you have it. A perfect recipe for depression.

Monday 21st January or Blue Monday lived up to it's name.

What's more, the British weather excelled itself with more rain than average resulting in 150 flood warnings being issued and share prices dropping faster and further than the rainwater itself.

What a combination?!

So how did you survive the day?

When times are tough, what do you do?

One of my favourite things is to simply remember the great words of wisdom, words that help me to cope with tragedy or to keep me grounded in times of great excitement.

"This too will pass".

Remember these without judgement, without despair, without cynicism...

This too will pass, another day will dawn and more opportunities will come.

Even today as we hear more about turbulent stock markets, housing market scares and interest rate cuts... well, even today there was a Money Gym Club Secret Seminar identifying even more opportunities for successful investments in property.

Today I hear that there are rapidly increasing bookings for the next Let's Talk Money information day on 2nd February where people are queuing up to find out how to take responsibility for their financial education. Not everybody is panicking out there!

Yesterday I decided to be kind to myself by indulging in a small M&S lemon soufflé - soft, light and exquisitely flavoured... a little bit of lightness and luxury, a reminder of summer...

Wishing you a wonderful year to come.

Looking good on the outside - feeling good on the inside?

Over the holiday period "normal" routines fall to pieces. This year my cleaner was taking a break, we had visitors, lots of coming & going and I found myself getting up-close-and-personal with many domestic tasks that I'd long since outsourced.

Rebecca and I were making up a bed together - clean, pressed, cotton sheets, tucked in with hospital corners. A sight to behold!

The question came when we placed the crisp, plump pillows at the head of the bed.

Do you place the opening to the pillowcase to face the middle of the bed or to face the outside?

Quite instinctively we did opposite things!

Bec explained that her mother had always taught her to place the open end of the pillowcase to face  the middle of the bed, that way the pillows looked neat and tidy.

As for me, I had no maternal training to call upon. I place the open end of the pillowcase to face the outside of the bed because I like to hold and snuggle the pillow as I fall off to sleep and this feels nicer if the open end of the pillowcase is at the outside edge.

Looking good on the outside - feeling good on the inside?

Is this a metaphor for life?

Is this an either-or choice or maybe a both-and choice?

Do we sometimes settle for one when we really want both???

So where are you - feeling good on the inside, looking good on the outside?

While you ponder I'll dispatch a few cobwebs and polish my halo!!

Have fun.

Three steps to motivation.

The new year is here and I'm facing the fact that it's several months since I added to my blog. Is it worth continuing, are you still there to read my musings? Well, on the premise that "nothing ventured, nothing gained" I'm going to step forth boldy and greet the new day. Hope you're happy to see me!!!

I've seen many adverts for "new beginnings" - selling health, happiness and wholeness, selling (almost instant) weight loss, fitness, will power - if only you buy "this" product. In honesty I'm a little too old and a little too cynical to fall for them now, though a bit of me still wishes I could pay my money and make it come true.

I wonder how you feel?

Are you excited by the New Year, committed to resolutions and setting great goals? What's on your "must do" list this time round???

Maybe the New Year finds you the feeling a little more lethargic, uninspired, lacking motivation...

I've been party to several discussions around motivation already this year and the thing that has really occurred to me is that the very word "motivation" is only used by those people who lack it. 

People who are motivated usually just get on and do it.  It's only the people who seem stuck, to sit there and do nothing, who have the time or inclination to discuss motivation.

So what is the secret formula?  If you find yourself feeling unmotivated how do you get yourself into that motivated state of mind, excited, productive and feeling inspired?

For me the secret formula has come from looking at the factors that make up "motivation".

In order to create the state of "motivation" I think you need three things.  The first of these is action.  Without action nothing happens.  I know that this is stating the obvious but I think it is important.  There have been many times when I have talked myself out of doing anything by telling myself it wouldn't work.  What a self fulfilling prophecy!  So the first step towards motivation is to take action. I don't know about you, but speaking personally I can be prone to "analysis paralysis".  If I'm not careful I find myself thinking so hard about the situation that I never have time to take action.  Sometimes this is because of a lack of information.  Other times it might be because of the fear of failure, or of the consequences.  The first step in towards breaking this vicious and unproductive cycle is to take action, even if that action is about sourcing new information.

The second essential component of motivation, is direction.  Action is usually better than no action, especially if you're actually wanting to do something. The problem is that sometimes we actually take actions that lead us away from our goals. On other occasions we take actions to support other conflicting goals - but that's another story for another day! The secret to success here is to acknowledge the simple fact that action taken in a particular direction will move us towards that goal.  So where is it that you want go?  What is it that you would like to be motivated to achieve?  A larger, more complex goal can be broken down into smaller goals but the trick is to decide to take some definite action.

Again speaking personally I prefer to make my goals positive, things to do more than things not to do.  I also choose to do things I enjoy in, and for their own sake, rather than things that I find drain my energy.

When it comes to choosing, I've been inspired by the writings of Mike Neill. In his book "You can have what you want", Mike describes taking actions that you would choose to do anyway because you value them, in and of themselves.  As an example of this, let's consider that popular New Year's resolution of losing weight. Let's be honest. The successful recipe here is not rocket science beyond your  understanding. In order to lose weight we need, in some combination, to eat less and do more. So If I chose the direction of "losing weight" I could choose to focus on "eating less".

However I personally would be more inspired to choose a direction I find more positive - that of getting fitter. In this case my greater focus would be on doing more.

When it comes to activity I personally would prefer to go for a walk, yes a real walk, in preference to doing a couple of miles on a treadmill at the gym.  (Even bought a pedometer to measure how much more I'm actually doing!!) I know the treadmill will use up at the same number of calories or develop the same muscles, but it doesn't inspire me or feed my soul in the same way as a walk in the park.  Whilst enjoying being outdoors I also have the satisfaction of knowing that I'm using up energy and building up my muscles at the same time.

The third magic ingredient for creating motivation is persistence.  We need to take action, in a consistent direction, persistently.

In exactly the same way as I know that going to the gym once, won't confer that magical state of fitness upon my body, taking action towards a goal on a single occasion is unlikely to achieve more than the simplest of goals.

Again I have been inspired by another coach, this time Mark Forster.  Mark has written extensively on different aspects of time management and personal productivity.  He has some beautifully simple ideas.  One I particularly like is the idea of doing something just a little bit better.  To make progress each day I simply do something a little bit better, leave my desk a little bit tidier, file away even one document, extend my period of exercise activity - even one minute more, each and every single day will make a difference and quite quickly I would see a significant improvement.

The truth of the matter is that, often, uninspired by a lack of dramatic progress, we may lose interest, dare I say it - lose motivation, and stop taking action. In the absence of action the results are fairly predicable.

So, if the New Year finds you looking for motivation try this recipe:
motivation = action + direction + persistence.

Let me know how you get on!

A new life for Beccy

For the last year or so I've been visiting the same hairdresser every six weeks or so. Beccy is in her early 20s and has an apparently successful career as a stylist in a local branch of the Toni & Guy chain. There's been our fair share of "What are you doing at the weekend?" or "Going anywhere nice for your holiday?" chats (Thank God she's never asked me "Are you courting?" but I suspect I don't look the type anymore!). In between times there have been moments of more meaningful discussion.

When I visited Beccy in June we discussed house-buying. She was looking for somewhere to live, preferably where she and her sister could move in together to share costs. A big question at the time was should she use the small inheritance she has in savings as a deposit or should they rent? We discussed the differences between buying property, particularly a home, and investing in property… I'm not sure she really "got it". Guess it took me quite a long time too… Also, the local area isn't ideal investment material.

In a perfect investment property deal I'd look to buy a small flat, under value, do minimal refurbishment to increase it's value allowing me to mortgage at the higher price and to release the money I used as a deposit. Then putting tenants in the property would cover the mortgage payments… After a year scouring the local area I have concluded that real "under value" properties are rare – or at least, rarely hit the marketplace. The biggest challenge to this perfect plan though are local rental prices which are very definitely suppressed. I tell you, it's much easier and cheaper to rent a property here than to buy one!  As we discussed this the idea of looking for an investment property further from home seemed a very foreign idea for Beccy so the conversation ended and the investment stayed firmly in the Building Society Account.

Now, as you all know, hair grows at a fairly predictable rate so I find myself sitting once more in Beccy's chair. This time she wants to run an idea by me… should she use her money to go travelling? As she explains things she's been working full time since the age of 16 and is beginning to feel "on a treadmill". The Toni & Guy franchise have things arranged pretty well: client-in, 45 minute wash-cut-style, client out. While I suspect that this is a fairly typical business practice for the industry, it's obviously losing it's appeal for Beccy. And the idea of the more of the same, every day until she retires… I'm not surprised that she's reeling!

So what are the options?

Well travelling is one. Getting out of the rut, expanding your horizons, breaking out of the comfort zone – all great ways of beginning to see new possibilities in life. I suspect that would have looked a very attractive solution when I was in my early 20s too.

With a more middle-aged perspective I can see that the transformation needs to be internal. As Beccy snipped we discussed what her perfect life might look like – and there weren't too many ideas. It is so difficult to think beyond the boundaries the first time that someone lets you peek through the open door! As we peered it was obvious that the terrain was littered with potential disappointment and limiting beliefs grew like rampant weeds.

We discussed whether Beccy has heard of NLP or would be willing to travel to London for a free workshop (No and No by the way). If I loaned her a copy of Andy Shaw's book, "Money for Nothing and your Property for Free" would she be able to commit to reading it by the time I next visited? No. I was surprised to hear that she know of The Secret. Great. She was waiting to receive a copy of the book from a friend who was currently reading it and raving… I wonder is she still waiting?

I'm quite intrigued by Beccy and her journey.

What I have learned is that, at such times we often need to make proactive decisions in life, by choice or "forced by circumstance". I know that I am only one of maybe 50 or 60 clients Beccy sees each week, and it will be another 6 weeks before our paths cross once more.

I'd love to think that I could recommend she invest in one of the Money Gym "Women Talk Money" days and see her eyes light up with possibility as these are really life-changing opportunities. However I don't think Beccy's quite ready yet. When we next meet, I wonder whether she will have embraced The Secret? Can she imagine the possibilities of a perfect life? Will she even make a decision to travel or imagine that there is a life beyond her current job?

Do you know someone like Beccy? If there were one thing you could tell her right now, what would it be?

I'll never forgive you!

Presentation Skills training for a group of sixteen Marie Curie Research Fellows...

  We gathered together in a room that was, in honesty, too small for the purpose but we made it work. The Fellows were research scientists at different stages of their careers but probably all less than 35 years of age, some only being 25 or 26 years old.

These people were conducting cutting edge research into the mechanisms, causes and cures for sleep disorders - and here was I teaching them Presentation Skills!

We certainly had fun together.

The discussion on what age you needed to be before you were sufficiently wise to ask your audience a question certainly highlighted the sorts of limiting beliefs that we hold about what we can or should be doing.

My training as a scientist giving presentations was very rudimentary. During my formative years I was more likely to be told that the label on the X-axis of the statistical validity graph was in too small a font and never received feedback on whether I was effectively building rapport with my audience.

And so we discussed how to build rapport with the audience during a large conference. Presentation skills training doesn't reduce the validity or importance of critical data but it does give you tools to communication this more effectively. Even the way you hold your head, matching or mirroring key individuals as you speak to the group will leave them, one person at a time, with a greater feeling that you were communicating something of importance to them.

We had a few participatory exercises looking at the use of body language where we gave/received feedback on how confident we looked. After this exercise when one young man exclaimed "I was perfect!" and then promptly blushed a deep shade of beetroot red I think we gathered that maybe his confidence or self-esteem was not all that he really wished it to be!

This group of young people came from all over Europe and beyond. Many were conducting their research programmes in countries that were not their native homeland - which already required them to be fluent in two languages - and now they were participating in this Advanced Studies week conducted through the medium of English.

We spent just 4 hours together before they had to move on to the next session (detection of radio-labelled proteins I think) when Lucia came towards me. In front of the class she proclaimed loudly "I'll never forgive you!". Perhaps prompted by the confused look on my face or the silence that struck the previously buzzing group she burst into laughter and said "No, I'll never FORGET you!"

Yes, I was pleased! Job done!!

Did you make a difference today?

What are you prepared to do to get it?!

In my last post I described how my sister has a deep hunger to continue to improve her score in the Wii bowling game - her persistence and commitment to improvement is awe-inspiring!

I'm delighted to say that I've been able to spend more time with Lynn this year.

This time hasn't appeared from nowhere nor happened by accident.

Two years ago I made the decision that I was going to have more time, money and freedom to support my sister and my Dad as they were less able to look after themselves. At the time I was in full-time employment, with a good job that I loved but with no obvious way of increasing my freedom or my income.

And then I came across Nicola Cairncross and Judith Morgan and The Money Gym... they changed my life!!

I learned how to create more money, I learned how to create freedom, I learned what true wealth was.

What's more, with their guidance and support I actually went out and put my new learning into action!!!

Now I know that ordinary women can do extraordinary things. That with the right information and support, anything is possible and dreams can come true!

So, are you ready to start your journey?

Nicola and Judith are having an amazing day - Women Talk Money.

Today I saw the programme for the first time - and they are holding nothing back.

If you really do want to transform your life, don't miss this opportunity to learn how to invest in property and make a profit. Learn why you should start a business and how to make money from your passion. You might even choose to invest in stocks & shares!!!

On Friday 5th October join with 60 other ordinary women who are ready to do something really extraordinary.

Take action. Maybe only 1% of people who read this will actually do anything about it. But that action may change their life.

Don't you deserve the chance to create wealth and freedom, to create a life that you love.

Go on, book your place for Women Talk Money.

Because there's never going to be a better moment - do it now!!!